Sex and the Chi-ty: The IPO
- Cathy Campo
- 9 hours ago
- 2 min read
Over the summer, while I was isolated in the Northern California suburbs, my boyfriend was the best-kept secret in my personal portfolio. But returning to my life at Kellogg, I couldn’t help but wonder: when exactly do we go public?
Recently, I decided it was time to ring the metaphorical bell (beyond this very public dating series). I IPO’d him to ten of my closest Kellogg friends at a haunted house. If you think bringing your boyfriend around is terrifying, try doing it while a man in a clown mask chases you down a strobe-lit hallway.
Here’s the thing about going public: the market reacts. People whispered, they speculated, they assessed his growth potential. Was he a blue-chip boyfriend or just a penny stock? In Kellogg’s gossipy ecosystem, one wrong move and you’re trending—and not in a good way.
Halloween only added to the metaphor. Because isn’t every IPO just a little bit scary? One moment you’re in the honeymoon phase, the next you’re bracing for the inevitable volatility. Will your relationship soar? Or will it tank faster than Lehman Brothers stock in 2008?
As I watched him banter with my friends between zombie jump-scares, I realized maybe the true horror isn’t the reveal. Maybe the real fear is keeping something good locked away too long, waiting for perfect timing in a market that will never be perfectly stable.
So, I IPO’d. My stock is out there now, exposed to public opinion.
And you know what? It feels good. Because while going public is scary, the right investment is worth it. Even if it comes with a few skeletons in the closet—and maybe a vampire or two.
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